this is my normal...

[boogieshoes]

so i was poking around on another forum i belong to, and came across a list that was originally found on Reddit.  it resonated pretty strongly, so i am reposting for, well, to share.

How to decode a person with an Anxiety Disorder:

things we are trying to do all the time:

• be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

• second-guess ourselves
• behave impulsively and reactively
• take everything personally
• worry
• have difficulty accepting compliments
• have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
• worry
• have difficulty finding the courage to respond
• have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
• worry
• make a huge deal out of the smallest thing
• think we're bothering you

things you should keep in mind:

• we’re scared of everything
• pretty much all of the time
• it’s an actual disorder
• it manifests as impulsive behavior
• you can’t fix us with words
• telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
• it’ll only make us feel silly
• and then we’ll worry even more
• “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
• like that
• also, we wear a lot of armor
• cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
• we constructed this armor as children
• we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
• but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

• stick around
• ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
• be willing to change the place or situation if not
• activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
• talk to them even when they might not talk back (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
• try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally (the way they express themselves is distorted and bent because of their constant fear) (and they know this)
• give them time to respond to you
• they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
• they will anticipate being judged
• it took me four hours just to type this much
• even though i sound casual
• that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

• tell us not to worry
• tell us we’ll be fine
• mistake praise for comfort
• ask us if we are “getting help”
• force us to be social
• force us to do things that trigger us
• “face your fears” doesn’t always work
• because—remember—scared of everything
• in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

• be calm
• be patient
• don’t be condescending
• remind us that we’re not “crazy”
• sit with us
• ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
• remind us that we are breathing
• engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
• if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
• (it will be harder for us to exhale than inhale)
• (sometimes all it takes is our body to realize it can push the air back out)
• or breathe through our nose
• or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
• or have us put a hand on your chest and breath with you
• ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
• help us change it
• usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

• it’s okay.
• even if you worry that it’s not okay.
• it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
• you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
• I know there’s a person under all that armor.
• and i know you feel isolated because of it.
• I won’t make you take it off.
• but know that you are not alone.

my first reaction to this was:  holy *cow*!  this this this!

understand that i'm not as bad as this on a day-to-day basis, but that's also because i've got medication that works.  not everyone is so lucky.  but i distinctly remember being *unmedicated*, and i was so scared of everything, and so certain it was all doomed to failure, i could barely move.  my parents read it as laziness/procrastination, which sounds worse than it is, i suppose, but was also sort of understandable.  

but i remember it being so damned hard to do anything.  at all.  and trying to make contacts and 'put myself out there' and get interviews was horrifying.  it was awful.

i still get like this on a bad day, or a day when i've had too much input.  i shut down, i've been fighting the paranoia for so long, i just can't handle it anymore, and i suspect i sound pretty 'determined not to have fun', as my mom puts it.  it's not that, it's that i've reached my limit, and want the rest of the world to leave me in a quiet place for a while.



anyway, food for thought.

-bs

Comments

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

Very thought provoking and yet, also very reassuring in an 'I am not alone' kind of way.

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

yeah, i was thinking of this when i read *your* post this evening! good luck with the job.

-bs

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Boogie!

[valiha.livejournal.com]

I've been having some serious, work related panic attacks. They got so bad yesterday and today that I literally had to walk out of the classroom because I was having trouble breathing. A colleague doing peer review on me (eek!) had to finish my class.

I found myself reading that list and nodding along. I've never been diagnosed, but I've been like that for ages. Now it's just getting worse, and I'm in a place that doesn't have a lot of understanding for these types of problems.

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

that's worse than me. i've experienced exactly one panic attack, and it wasn't so bad that i had trouble breathing, but it was more than enough for me.

i don't remember where you are geographically, but one thing that's difficult in america is that culturally, we're not really sympathetic to mental disorders, especially 'will have for life' types.

probably you realize this, but i encourage trying to find a medication that works. if there's one that works for you, it's well worth it to maintain reasonable levels of 'functioning'.

a little thing that might help, something i started doing without realizing why - apparently gentle pressure helps calm the sympathetic nervous system, which in itself helps calm a panic attack. i tend to sleep cold and pile on the blankets, and i also 'sandwich' myself between two pillows for just that reason. i don't know if it'll work, or if it's psychological for me or what, but i do know i sleep better that way, and sleeping better helps energy levels overall.

-bs

[valiha.livejournal.com]

Bosnia, so yeah... as effed up as you can get. I spent my early and mid teens hiding from the grenades and the snipers in a basement, and then from enemy soldiers who'd commandeered my uncles' car repair shop. You can imagine what that did to my social development.

I am a lot more confident online. I would never have the courage to go up to someone and strike up a conversation, yet I have no qualms doing that online. Sometimes it feels my flist is closer to me than my RL friends. Like in America, people are really unsympathetic to mental disorders, in spite o so many people with PTSD. It's especially difficult since I work in higher education. There's always the fear that admitting to the problem will cost you your job. I've already had a couple of "the situation is very serious!" talks from the management, and they just terrify me more. On top of that, I have to finish my masters soon as a condition of continuing to work in higher education. The thought of having to look for another job in this economy is enough to paralyze me.

I will have to try that technique and see if it helps (because at this point I've been getting on with two-three hours of sleep a night for the past couple of weeks), but I also realize I might have to do something more permanent about my situation.

Also, your comment on " i was so scared of everything, and so certain it was all doomed to failure" just rings so true, and it reminds me of a quote from a show I watched years ago, where the main character tells another (optimistic) character, "Yeah, the glass is half full." (optimistic character cheers) "Unfortunately, it is filled with blood." That's the level of thinking I'm at right now.

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

yeah, you'd think in a place like Bosnia, with such a horrible war not even a generation behind them, folks would be a lot more understanding that hey, mental issues happen.

re the management talks - eesh. that's hard. i'm not sure what to do there, or what advice to give. i'm lucky that my medication helps *tremendously*. i know it's not the same for everyone, so i'm always thankful it is for me.

and the glass half full of blood thing... yeah. exactly. :-p

*hugs*

-bs

[wyrdling.livejournal.com]

my son does this. at nine. but so did i. and it terrifies me :P
because i know how much it crippled me over the years. until i learned techniques to get a rein on it. trying to teach him but he doesn't understand how distorted his perceptions are... hard to, at nine.
still bites me sometimes. especially if i spend too much time around my mom (omg the anxiety queen :/ )

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

yeah, teaching kids early how to handle it will go a long way to helping... but 9 is a mite young for the understanding to be complete.

i don't envy you this task, but i *do* wish you luck!

*hugs*
-bs