boogieshoes | this is my normal... (Reply)

so i was poking around on another forum i belong to, and came across a list that was originally found on Reddit. it resonated pretty strongly, so i am reposting for, well, to share.

How to decode a person with an Anxiety Disorder:

things we are trying to do all the time:

be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

second-guess ourselves
behave impulsively and reactively
take everything personally
worry
have difficulty accepting compliments
have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures
worry
have difficulty finding the courage to respond
have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions
worry
make a huge deal out of the smallest thing
think we're bothering you

things you should keep in mind:

we’re scared of everything
pretty much all of the time
it’s an actual disorder
it manifests as impulsive behavior
you can’t fix us with words
telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying
it’ll only make us feel silly
and then we’ll worry even more
“oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”
like that
also, we wear a lot of armor
cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes
we constructed this armor as children
we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart
but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

stick around
ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation
be willing to change the place or situation if not
activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!
talk to them even when they might not talk back (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)
try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally (the way they express themselves is distorted and bent because of their constant fear) (and they know this)
give them time to respond to you
they will obsess over how they are being interpreted
they will anticipate being judged
it took me four hours just to type this much
even though i sound casual
that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

tell us not to worry
tell us we’ll be fine
mistake praise for comfort
ask us if we are “getting help”
force us to be social
force us to do things that trigger us
“face your fears” doesn’t always work
because—remember—scared of everything
in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

be calm
be patient
don’t be condescending
remind us that we’re not “crazy”
sit with us
ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one
remind us that we are breathing
engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)
if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly
(it will be harder for us to exhale than inhale)
(sometimes all it takes is our body to realize it can push the air back out)
or breathe through our nose
or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath
or have us put a hand on your chest and breath with you
ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe
help us change it
usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

it’s okay.
even if you worry that it’s not okay.
it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.
you are not crazy. you are not a freak.
I know there’s a person under all that armor.
and i know you feel isolated because of it.
I won’t make you take it off.
but know that you are not alone.

my first reaction to this was: holy *cow*! this this this!

understand that i'm not as bad as this on a day-to-day basis, but that's also because i've got medication that works. not everyone is so lucky. but i distinctly remember being *unmedicated*, and i was so scared of everything, and so certain it was all doomed to failure, i could barely move. my parents read it as laziness/procrastination, which sounds worse than it is, i suppose, but was also sort of understandable.

but i remember it being so damned hard to do anything. at all. and trying to make contacts and 'put myself out there' and get interviews was horrifying. it was awful.

i still get like this on a bad day, or a day when i've had too much input. i shut down, i've been fighting the paranoia for so long, i just can't handle it anymore, and i suspect i sound pretty 'determined not to have fun', as my mom puts it. it's not that, it's that i've reached my limit, and want the rest of the world to leave me in a quiet place for a while.

anyway, food for thought.

-bs