Post-op appt was yesterday

[boogieshoes]

So, I had my post-op appointment yesterday, and unfortunately, the final pathology wasn't good.  Stage 3 cancer, grade 1. 

The good news is that since they took the uterus and everything, there's not likely to be any more cancer cells in the body.  The bad news is, i get to go through chemo and radiation.  Whoop. E.

Not really looking forward to that, but it is what it is.  First round of chemo on Dec 12.  Doc tells me I'm pretty certain to lose my hair, so I will probably shave it and invest in some colorful head-scarves.  And maybe some giant clip-on earring so I can look like a pirate all day....

I can tell I'm feeling somewhat dispirited at this point, even though the chemo and radiation are more an issue of good preventive measures right now.  It's just that I wanted to come home yesterday and through away the green folder that has held all my medical appt information and stuff yesterday as a sign Things Were Over.    Instead, things are not over, and I get to look forward to a treatment that tends to make people feel almost as bad as the thing it's a treatment *for*.  And also, given that pretty much every step of this journey, my doctors have been saying 'the indicators look fine', followed by the next step revealing something more serious... let's just say I'm a little paranoid at this point.  Until I've got that 100% cancer free number, I'm not going to be 'sure everything will be ok'.

I will fight to the bitter end, or the triumphant ending, but right now... feeling less happy and more growly over the whole thing. 

I am determined, however - I will not let this win, nor will it define my life. 

On the gripping hand, cookies may well be in order.... and maybe a footrub from Buck.  Speaking of which, I am determined to take part of my time right now and write something for the general fandom Christmas stocking.  Not necessarily something Christ-massy, I'm not sure I have *that* in me, but something that I've been trying to get back to on my WIP pile.  And hopefully, that promise to my fandom will help me get over my current funk.

I appreciate all my fandom friends and hugs to you all.  Sorry for the sad news?

-boogieshoes

Comments

[mightyix]

Hang in there. You're strong and you've got this.

[boogieshoes]

*hugs* thanks. Yeah, I got this. but right now, I'm sort of imagining myself like Elmer Fudd: be vewwy, vewwy quiet, I'm hunting Cancer Cells!

ahem.

[aerianya]

Let me tell you the anticipation is way worse than the actuality. Although I got give radiation a miss, losing my hair wasn't near as traumatic as I thought it would be I just got it cut very short then when it fell out got the rest shaved. Got a cute wig and took a class on scarf wrapping.
The anti nausea meds are pretty good these days. Did they tell you the chemo drugs they are using yet and for how many cycles how often?

[boogieshoes]

I'm not 100% sure how many cycles, but Doc said 6 cycles of chemo, broken in the middle by the radiation. I'll find out for sure on Dec 5th when i have the chemo education appointment. I'll find out the exact drugs then, too.

today I ordered a 'chemo survival guide' which has a lot of information on how chemo works and it's effects on the body as well tips on how to handle the side effects. kind of like 'what to expect when you're expecting', except for chemo. The way I tend to deal with anxieties is kicking up the research on whatever-it-is.

We'll see how it goes, but i know i'll feel a lot better armed with some information going in.

*hugs*
-boogie

[aerianya]

I did six cycles one treatment every three weeks, took about 5 months. I also had a a year of another infusion so had to have a port. Great option for long term infusions. Any time you wanna talk just email or whatever.
Hugs

[farad]

Thinking of you. Sorry that it's not over, but good that you're getting it taken care of - and that you had it taken care of now. Good for you.

[boogieshoes]

yeah, I ordered a 'chemo survival guide' because i feel much better when i know what to expect.

and also, does this mean I can expect a fic about the guys supporting a coworker going through chemo in my Christmas Stocking?
*laughs* I'm teasing, but I love feeling mushy over the holidays.

-boogieshoes