more rec-meta: story flow
Apr. 30th, 2008 05:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boogieshoes
In the past few days, I've discussed the two major hurdles readers face when accessing a story: How the author Visually Presents the story, and the basic Story Mechanics that are likely to throw a reader off his or her game. Today, the essay is on Story Flow.
'Story Flow' may not be the correct term I'm looking for here, but again, work with me for the duration of this essay. In the past couple of essays, I've described stories as houses. When writing a story, the author needs to make sure several foundational elements are there in order to be successful. The author then builds the story 'on top of' these elements, just as a decorator comes in after the building contractors to add the curtains and furniture and paintings and knicknacks only after the house has been built and passed the safety inspections. The story reader is like a house buyer, on the other hand. They will see the decorator's work first, and the contractor's work should be relatively 'invisible'. That is, you shouldn't have to think about it - like a properly built stud-wall, or squared and sturdy cabinets, foundational elements only tend to be visible to the reader when they're done badly.
And just as an author builds layers upwards from the foundations of the story, a reader will begin to peel those layers back down again in an effort to search for the perfect story. Visual presentation and story mechanics are the primary signalers that a story falls into the Sturgeon's Law category. Sturgeon's Law is that 90% of everything is dreck, and poor visual presentation and story mechanics are what cause the majority of dreck-category stories to be dreck. These are the first things that a reader will 'see' when coming into your story, and thus they are the most important to handle appropriately.
The next thing the reader will see is what I call 'story flow'. Story Flow consists of the elements that lead the reader through the story. These are things like the initial hook; the pacing; scene placement; exposition dumps or lack there-of; and ending the story in the right place. When writing, you may consider different elements as 'Story Flow', or some of these elements may fall under 'Story Mechanics', but I'm placing these elements here because this is when readers will be looking for them. Let's get started.
The Initial Hook
'The Hook' is what the pro-publishing world calls the first few paragraphs of a story: When someone is in a bookstore, and a book looks interesting, they'll often open up the book to the first page and read about five paragraphs or so as to see if they want to buy it. In those five paragraphs, you have to make your absolute best impression: there should be no spelling/ grammar errors, and the story should be immediately present and exciting. And you don't really have 5 paragraphs - if the reader isn't hooked by the end of the first paragraph, you're probably not going to get a 'sale'. The other 4 paragraphs are mainly read to confirm an initial impression.
Most pro authors and publishers, in fact, will tell you that the very first sentence is where you need to hang your hat. In fanfic, you may think you already have an 'in' with the reader because you're writing for an audience you know wants what you've got. But don't count on this to make your readership blythely forge ahead. Make sure you've got a good hook in the first paragraph, and try to make it the first sentence if you can.
Here are some examples of good 'hooks' I've come across:
Unforgotten, by Gil Hale
For a long time, the things he saw made no sense. It was like hearing words in a language he couldn't understand. His eyes registered objects, forms and movements but they meant nothing. Slowly—maybe very slowly, he had no idea of that either—concepts began to take shape. White. One day he woke, if it was sleep that had been holding his mind in blankness, and the word was there in his mind, giving shape to a thought: almost everything in his world was white. Time passed and the whiteness resolved into separate ideas: white walls; white sheets; people in white clothes.
This is a good example of what to do if your story doesn't start in the middle of 'somebody doing something', but rather in 'confused chaos'. Notice how the first sentence is very short and to the point. In order to learn more, you have to continue reading. The following sentences are longer and descriptive, involving each of the senses. By the time you get to the end of the paragraph, you 1) mostly understand the situation, if not the participants 2) are empathetic with the viewpoint character and 3) want to see him resolve his issues. To do number 3 and figure out more of number 1, you have to continue reading. Clever, isn't it?
The second example is from a story I mentioned earlier, Arrivals, by KT:
"Have you seen my Ma?" the small voice asked.
Looking down … and down … and down, Blossom finally found the source of the voice. There on the
step below her, in the middle of a thriving saloon on a Friday afternoon, was a small boy of about five
or six, his thick unruly raven black hair fell over dark eyes that gazed up at her.
Data dumping is always bad, but doing so in the first paragraph is a killer. Compare the above examples to the following one in The Assassin, by KellyA:
Ezra was seated in a booth, his back to the wall in a small out of the way cafe, or as out of the way as one can get at the 16th Street Mall. It was mid afternoon on a Saturday and the café was only catering to a few patrons. An early snow had covered the ground earlier but had been vanquished beneath the fickle Colorado sun. Ezra sipped at his bitter coffee, ignoring the stale danish. Instead of his usual stylish attire, he was dressed in blue jeans and a dark muscle shirt. A plain baseball style cap covered his thick sandy-brown hair, allowing only a strand or two to peek out from underneath. He appeared engrossed in his newspaper, but the highly trained agent was totally aware of everything and everyone around him. He was not surprised when an older gentleman slid into the seat across from him. The waitress came up immediately.
One of the first things you notice is that the very first sentence is long, and it describes a character not doing or acting or thinking, but in repose. The immediately following sentences continue this impression with long, languid structure and a lot of scene description. This is important, because it will also set the reader's mental state. They're not expecting action, so the last two sentences in the paragraph, where action first occurs, slide right by. The first time I read this story, I had to go back and re-read the first paragraph to figure out where the guy Ezra was suddenly having a conversation with appeared. If the author had started a new paragraph to set off the action, that could have been avoided.
Pacing
Pacing is how fast the story goes.
synecdochic has a number of meta essays on writing, including some good ones on pacing, so I'm going to refer you to her notes for the most part. The two main highlights about pacing are as follows:1) The pace in a scene can be fast or slow, but should match the surrounding action. If it's an action sequence, use shorter sentences with more precise wording. If it's a slow glide down the Amazon, use longer, more flowery sentences, and take the opportunity to enrich the reader with the little details.
2) Never, ever, do a data-dump in the middle of an action sequence - especially if that action is a short-range shooting sequence. Do not stop to describe the guns and their relative abilities, because certainly, the characters are not thinking of this at that time. If you absolutely have to tell the readers what you know, save it for a pre-battle tactical session(1).
Scene Placement
Scene placement refers to the literal order the scenes take place in. Even in stories where the action begins at the beginning, and goes to the end in a straightforward manner, scene placement is important. But when the author starts mixing timelines, or following two different groups over the same span of time, scene placement suddenly becomes crucial. It can make the difference between a clear piece of writing, and one that's slightly or even very confusing. Let's look again at The Date, by Estee.
The first 3 scenes are:
1) Chris coming home to a wary Vin
2) Chris and Vin having a surprising discussion about Chris's date that evening
3) Chris and his date in the car, having (yet another) goof
So far, so good, and this wouldn't be a problem except for where scene 3 ends, and scene 4 begins. Scene 3 is pretty much exposition and ends with the date ending and Chris driving back to the ranch. Scene 4 chronologically occurs right after scene 2, and ends before scene 3 begins. This is slightly confusing, and you get the idea the author feels so too, as part of her scene break indications include phrases like 'Meanwhile, back at the Ranch'.
Here's a hint: if you need to indicate timing in a fashion other than 'Monday, 5.32pm, Federal Building', re-work the scene sequences. Your readers shouldn't have to handle mentally moving back and forth through time when the characters themselves are sharing the same time-space continuum(2).
Exposition Dumps
The usual word for exposition dumps is: don't do them. Your readers will be bored to tears, nine times out of ten, and the tenth time, they're not bored because they're really interested in the subject matter. I mentioned Richard Marcinko's regrettable tendency to data dump during gun battle scenes - he is not the only example of Advanced Exposition Diarrhea. David Weber, lovely though he is, has a similar habit of waxing poetic about the physics of space battles and his wonderful spaceships in the middle of battle scenes. Now, I'm one of the few people who will read those dumps with glee - but that's because I'm an aerospace engineer, and think string theory is fun. Basically, I'm a sucker for astrophysics discussions, but I'm also a member of a very limited audience for that data. Most people who otherwise love Weber can't stand those data dumps - they don't care or don't understand (or both) what's going on behind the scenes and it slows the battle scenes way down. Never mind that in space, and the battle scene is likely to take hours as opposed to minutes, just due to the physics, the action should feel fast.
The other mistake authors make is going from lush description to historical textbook. James Michener of Hawai'i and Texas fame does this. So does Stephen King. Both authors are on my 'insomnia' list - people I read when I can't get to sleep and don't feel like self-medicating with drugs or alcohal. They put me right out. And again, some people adore this. My father loves Michener to every last little paragraph. My brother ate Stephen King up when he was a teenager. I can't read Stephen King unless I've seen the movie already.
If you must tell the readers something, mix it into the slower scenes, have the characters tell each other about it or think about it or note it. Be careful with this, because it can easily run into 'out of character' territory. Consider breaking up the exposition with dialog. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT have character A tell Character B something he/she already knows, or will figure out on his or her own from a much briefer clue. This is a mortal sin, and concludes with the reader shooting their laptop. Computers are expensive, and your readers will appreciate you saving their wallets.
Ending on the Right Note
One thing that's hammered into the students of any performing art is that a good beginning and a strong finish are more important than a slightly sloppy middle. This is because the beginnings and endings are where the strongest impressions lie. It is often difficult to know where to end a story, especially if the ending scene is a little bit of wrap-up dialog. Other than experience or good betas, there's not a whole lot of tips or tricks to pass on as to how to determine the best spot to end a story. However, I can provide an example of what not to do. Again, this is from The Date, by Estee.
The last scene takes place during a very important meeting of the ATF Team Leaders with AD 'Judge' Orin Travis. Orin's secretary comes in to hand Chris a message regarding a 'personal and urgent' matter - which he correctly assumes means the boys, Vin and JD. When he badgers the secretary into telling him what's going on, she's very reluctant to discuss it in public. Finally, she tells him.
The secretary licked her lips again. “Well it appears that Vin got into a shouting match of school
and they need you down there.”
Rising from his seat, Chris inquired, “Did they say what the fight was about.” He waited several
seconds, looking directly at the Secretary when he received no answer.
Not wanting to answer, but knowing she had to, the Secretary could feel her cheeks turning red
as she avoided the intense green gaze. As quickly and quietly as possible, she informed,
"Apparently he was yelling at a boy named Eli Joe Chavez and insisting that you didn’t have sex
this weekend.”
This is a great ending, right there. The only thing I would change is to make the secretary's dialog past tense ('He yelled at...' instead of 'He was yelling at...') and to switch out 'didn't' with 'did not'. But really, this is the story's punchline, and it's great.
And then the author continues the story. This is extremely unfortunate, because nothing can beat being in a room full of men who are all well aware of the bragging games men play, and being told that your son is getting in a fight over you not getting laid. Continuing the story, even a paltry three sentences more, makes the ending feel very slushy, instead of sharp and crisp.
To sum up: Readers are looking for a strong beginning, a strong ending, and a middle that's at the very least clear and not draggy in the wrong spots. Having complex, split story lines means you need to pay more attention to scene placement, and when you need to impart information, put it in the appropriate scenes, and avoid the Wide Sargasso Sea of Endless Exposition.
Next Up: Factual Realism
1) Richard Marcinko, retired SEAL and current author of boy-and-his-gun romps, has a tendency to do this all the time. It drives me nuts. As fond as I am of the Red Cell books, I also occasionally want to use them to beat Marcinko over the head with, all the while shouting 'Bad Author! No Biscuit!'
2) And if you are writing a story where the A and B sequences are separated through time, you probably should have some sort of labeled heading at the scene breaks. But your readers should still be able to follow the threads of the story very easily across both A and B parts.
-bs, thinky
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Date: 2008-04-30 07:39 pm (UTC)Laurie
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Date: 2008-04-30 08:11 pm (UTC)i'm getting like, the barest trickle of comments here, heh. hopefully these posts will get more interest when i submit the whole schmear to metafandom. (i'm somehow constitutionally unable to do it before i finish the entire series - i'm so OCD ::headdeskks:: .)
-bs