update on the Keldara review link.

[boogieshoes]

not sure how he found it, but John Ringo found David Hines's review of the Keldara series.   

i have to say, issues with subscriptions aside, the more i read of *John's* reaction to the books themselves and the hub-bub surrounding them, the better i feel.  this is because it allows me to see John as human again, which is important if i ever want to be able to read his books - any of his books.  yeah, things inside get pretty knotty over when it comes to the Keldara books.

we were discussing them in chat last night, and strega42mentioned she'd like to lay out her opinions in lj behind a cut so they can have a discussion without upsetting me.  to be fair, luke_jaywalker asked if i would say what my issues with the series were, and i chose to answer... but it seriously winds me up.  i was struggling very hard to stay contained, so my conditions last night were that i would answer the question, but not discuss either the answer or the books.  to say my upset was obvious is probably an understatement - but that is, of course, exactly why discussion is out of the question right now.  i can barely stay coherent long enough to lay out my own opinions of what i see as the major issues, so i know any attempt at discussion is going to be seen as an attack - at best.

and i'd dearly love to lay out my own opinions on the matter in a comment-disabled post - but i can't do that, either.  i can't let this be 'real' to me yet.  there's stuff there - deep emotional shit - that i'm just not ready to face.  and if i type it out in a permanent format, it's there everyday.  it's real, and i have to face it, because it's staring me in the face, daring me to ignore it.  i get through my life one day at a time - and this just isn't the right time for facing that particular pile of shit.

at any rate, this is my favorite line from John Ringo's comment on David's review:

"If YOU think you were thinking 'OH JOHN RINGO NO!', be quite aware that that is what I was thinking most of the time. Especially in Ghost. The book was so over the top, my working title was 'The Wanker Piece.' (Marketing forced me to drop the title. :-)"

this makes me giggle.  because i can quite seriously see him saying that to himself.  'omfg!  wtf am i *doing*?!'  and then when people started saying he should publish it, i can see him going 'i cannot *seriously believe* you like this crap!  and it *is* crap!  omfg! wtf am i *doing*?!'  and it makes me like him more to know that he recognizes the wtf-ery of this particular series.

anyway.  that is today's public post.  if i post more, it'll be on the GDPfusion fic thing.

-bs

PS - and everyone who was in chat with me last night, thanks for putting up with me.  ::hugs::

Comments

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

i'm going to have to stop this. i mean, it's interesting, and i *want* to continue... except my issues are choking me again, and draining my energy to boot. ::rolls eyes:: some days, it's not worth chewing through the straps in the morning, and it doesn't even have anything to do with other people!

but anyway, don't you dare say you're sorry for triggering me or something silly like that! i chose to participate in this conversation, so, you know, responsible for my own anxiousness, here. except now i have to bow out, cause i'm trying not to hyperventilate at work.

my poor pell. oh, well, better a stick in the mud than the neighbors...

-bs

[chuckles48.livejournal.com]

I'm not sorry for triggering you. You own that - it's all you, hon! I am, however, sorry that your issues prevent you from discussing this, or from trying to understand it from a guy's perspective. And I'm sad that a discussion like this would publicly mess you up that much.

Here's a positive thought on all this. Many/most of those nice guys you know? They've conquered their inner demons, and chose not to let them out, ever. They've _made that choice_, and some do every day. Strong, good people, those.

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

well, it's one of those things that i take on a day to day basis.

and as i just mentioned in chat - my philosophy has *never* been 'don't ask me the triggery questions about emotional topics', but rather 'be prepared if i say i can't talk about this right now'. because you know, sometimes it's just too big to discuss, or you're not in a safe mental space or whatever.

taking benedryl and a nap this afternoon helped, i just ran out of energy for dealing with this today. :-p

::hugs:: if acceptable? thanks for understanding that i needed to stop.

-bs

[chuckles48.livejournal.com]

[hugs]

No problem. I understand completely.