wednesday stuff
Oct. 24th, 2007 08:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boogieshoes
so last week, i couldn't sleep, and this week, i can't seem to sleep enough. today i declared a mini-cheat day: i had a starbucks pumpkin spice latte, with half-caff and soy milk, a plain bagel, and plain cream cheese. latte was worth it because it was 48F this morning. i'll be good the rest of the day, but gawd, i needed that coffee.
i had nightmares last night. all about people pressing too closely, and not letting me go - invading my personal space and implying threats. eesh.ratseal may be right about me needing to get out more, but he makes a wonderful imaginary teddy bear. he's cute and strong and he's been emotionally present and cuddle-able in the past for me and it really helps.
*edited 10/26/2007 at 6pm because sometimes my pride in my friends gets ahead of my brain
i had nightmares last night. all about people pressing too closely, and not letting me go - invading my personal space and implying threats. eesh.
ratseal may be right about me needing to get out more, but he makes a wonderful imaginary teddy bear. he's cute and strong and he's been emotionally present and cuddle-able in the past for me and it really helps.the baen section of my flist is all amused over ginmar banning lwj2. ginmar's flist is all amused that we're discussing it. i'm... kinda neutral, kinda not over it. ratseal went over there specifically to ask to be banned, which action i don't really condone, because it's a completely useless thing, on the practical front. ginmar's made her decisions, and she's not the type to listen to others when her mind's been made up. atomicsappertom has sent her an apology, and posted a couple of apologies on his own lj, something i don't really think is necessary, but am more apathetic about than whether or not one should go over to ask to be banned.
i was reading my flist today, andchuckles48 posted a couple links over to her lj, so i followed them out of curiosity. i don't, usually. when she told mzmadmike that not only did his own experiences being sexually assaulted *didn't matter*, but that he must have been lying about them, i pretty much washed my hands of her. the vitriol in that thread, the deliberate misreading of opposing opinions and experiences and then unfounded accusations, pretty much led me to believe that she was no longer worth listening to. but i followed the links, and decided chuckles48 had the right selection of posts to illustrate her hypocrisy wrt to banning people. her calling ratseal a fuckwit when she didn't even know him was just another affirmation.
for those of you not in the know -ratseal is a retired military veteran. i was introduced to him via mzmadmikeand lonewolf545a couple of years ago when i was in an exceptional low point, unmedicated, and jobless. he had no compunction about chatting up a complete stranger, and becoming an emotional support - something i know is difficult with the unmedicated but clinically depressed. he has since continued to be an emotional bulwark for my low times, is great at encouraging me with my quest to become healthier, has proven himself to be smart, engaging, and funny. it helps a lot that he takes my mad crush on him with affection and amusement, and doesn't make more of it than what it is. ratseal is one of my favorite friends for all of those reasons and more that i can't even verbalize, but definately feel. ![[info]](https://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
ratseal has made a couple of comments about liking to be friends with smart geeks like myself and 8bitnintendo... in a way he does himself a disservice, since i'm confident he's fully as smart as we are. and without a doubt, much more mature.
i'm going to go a little bit into my personal theology here, to explain my current reactions to ginmar. i'm not sure when i started thinking this way, exactly, but at some point in the last ten years or so, my thoughts have crystallized to these rules of life - the ones governing my spiritual view of the world, not necessarily my behavior, although they intertwine a good deal:
1) all life, all being, is sacred. everything is bound together like the Force is described in Star Wars: every rock, every creature of it, is a part of this energy of being. and this being is a gift from the Divine, no matter how you name It or describe It, our existence is a result of the Divine wishing others to have the joy of Being. and since every person, every rock, has this gift, they should be honored and respected for the mere fact of possessing it.
2) our purpose in life, our true purpose, is to become the best, most perfect reflection of our souls that we can become. the more intelligent the brain inhabiting the body, the more the individuality of the Perfection. the purpose of the rock is to be the Perfect Rock. the purpose of the horse is to be Horse. likewise, the purpose of you is to be the Perfect You, whoever that is. we all have a responsibility to find our own Perfection and cleave as best we can to it.
those are really the only two rules of existence that i know. there may be more. but they inform my behavior and my attitudes to life and the planet and everything.
rule #1 tells me that since everything is worthy of respect, then i should initially approach all people and things with an open ear to hear them truly, and an open mind to consider their thoughts. their thoughts are worthwhile for being the product of a being gifted with life. their thoughts are worthy of respect. it also tells me to respect nature, and the systems and energies that go into it. it does not mean 'be a vegan', or 'be a global warming advocate' - to respect something means that you learn about it, and try to do it the least pain.
pain, as opposed to harm or more accurately, death, because pain, especially lasting pain, is a cruelty. sometimes it's necessary - i don't think we can completely do away with the pain of dying, for example. but we should not be unnecessarily cruel about it, drawing out pain simply to do so, or trying to find ways to justify unneccessary pain. death - death is harm, but it is also part of the cycle of life. killing something is nature being red in tooth and claw. we need to kill individual living things to survive - this is not a failing, however, it is part of our nature. but we should be sure to do the least pain even to those we must kill.
rule #2 tells me both how to respect *myself*, and who among others should be respected. becoming the Perfect Reflection of myself means that i cannot ignore my wish to tell stories, even if they use other people's characters, and even if other people think it's wrong. it means that i must take care of my body, and my emotions, even if that means i have to take drugs to do it. it means that i cannot turn down the symphony of numbers, and the allure of languages, even if it means that i am taken to a place that others cannot follow, and am criticized for it. it means i cannot stop learning.
and this can be generalized, somewhat. we as beings given the sacred gift of Being by the Divine must all respect ourselves, by doing our best to accomplish our purpose. we must all take care of our bodies and minds. we must not stop learning, both of ourselves and of others. and we must follow our paths to our true selves as best we can.
logically, it follows that since we are all on the same general path to ourselves, we should respect others who we travel with. it does not matter that their end goal is different - that's the nature of individuality. what matters is that we respect their choices, and respect them. there are very few people, i think, who are capable of losing my respect as fellow travelers in life, even if i don't wish to associate with them. but you can do it by rejecting the gift of Being. by ceasing to learn. by ceasing to respect others and their opinions, even if it's the 100th time you've heard the same variation on the theme. by not taking care of your body and mind, so that you can accomplish your own path to your own self. most importantly, by turning aside from learning your own self, your own soul.
this is why i no longer read ginmar, why i no longer respect her. she has turned aside from the path to herself. she has ceased to listen, ceased to learn, ceased to respect. and in doing so, she has rejected her Divine Gift of Being. and i feel sad about that, because when i first learned of her, i saw the amazing talent she has to write and share ideas. that talent is still there, but it's turned to spreading poison and hate and misery. not only is she rejecting her own Sacred Gift, but she's trying to get others to join her own personal Mordor. and that makes me angry. that goes past rejection of the Gift, and straight to betrayal of the Divine. it's what makes me say that ginmar is no longer deserving of the her Gift, her Being.
-bs, thoughtful
ginmar banning lwj2. ginmar's flist is all amused that we're discussing it. i'm... kinda neutral, kinda not over it. ratseal went over there specifically to ask to be banned, which action i don't really condone, because it's a completely useless thing, on the practical front. ginmar's made her decisions, and she's not the type to listen to others when her mind's been made up. atomicsappertom has sent her an apology, and posted a couple of apologies on his own lj, something i don't really think is necessary, but am more apathetic about than whether or not one should go over to ask to be banned.i was reading my flist today, and
chuckles48 posted a couple links over to her lj, so i followed them out of curiosity. i don't, usually. when she told mzmadmike that not only did his own experiences being sexually assaulted *didn't matter*, but that he must have been lying about them, i pretty much washed my hands of her. the vitriol in that thread, the deliberate misreading of opposing opinions and experiences and then unfounded accusations, pretty much led me to believe that she was no longer worth listening to. but i followed the links, and decided chuckles48 had the right selection of posts to illustrate her hypocrisy wrt to banning people. her calling ratseal a fuckwit when she didn't even know him was just another affirmation.for those of you not in the know -
ratseal is a retired military veteran. i was introduced to him via mzmadmikeand lonewolf545a couple of years ago when i was in an exceptional low point, unmedicated, and jobless. he had no compunction about chatting up a complete stranger, and becoming an emotional support - something i know is difficult with the unmedicated but clinically depressed. he has since continued to be an emotional bulwark for my low times, is great at encouraging me with my quest to become healthier, has proven himself to be smart, engaging, and funny. it helps a lot that he takes my mad crush on him with affection and amusement, and doesn't make more of it than what it is. ratseal is one of my favorite friends for all of those reasons and more that i can't even verbalize, but definately feel. ratseal has made a couple of comments about liking to be friends with smart geeks like myself and 8bitnintendo... in a way he does himself a disservice, since i'm confident he's fully as smart as we are. and without a doubt, much more mature.i'm going to go a little bit into my personal theology here, to explain my current reactions to ginmar. i'm not sure when i started thinking this way, exactly, but at some point in the last ten years or so, my thoughts have crystallized to these rules of life - the ones governing my spiritual view of the world, not necessarily my behavior, although they intertwine a good deal:
1) all life, all being, is sacred. everything is bound together like the Force is described in Star Wars: every rock, every creature of it, is a part of this energy of being. and this being is a gift from the Divine, no matter how you name It or describe It, our existence is a result of the Divine wishing others to have the joy of Being. and since every person, every rock, has this gift, they should be honored and respected for the mere fact of possessing it.
2) our purpose in life, our true purpose, is to become the best, most perfect reflection of our souls that we can become. the more intelligent the brain inhabiting the body, the more the individuality of the Perfection. the purpose of the rock is to be the Perfect Rock. the purpose of the horse is to be Horse. likewise, the purpose of you is to be the Perfect You, whoever that is. we all have a responsibility to find our own Perfection and cleave as best we can to it.
those are really the only two rules of existence that i know. there may be more. but they inform my behavior and my attitudes to life and the planet and everything.
rule #1 tells me that since everything is worthy of respect, then i should initially approach all people and things with an open ear to hear them truly, and an open mind to consider their thoughts. their thoughts are worthwhile for being the product of a being gifted with life. their thoughts are worthy of respect. it also tells me to respect nature, and the systems and energies that go into it. it does not mean 'be a vegan', or 'be a global warming advocate' - to respect something means that you learn about it, and try to do it the least pain.
pain, as opposed to harm or more accurately, death, because pain, especially lasting pain, is a cruelty. sometimes it's necessary - i don't think we can completely do away with the pain of dying, for example. but we should not be unnecessarily cruel about it, drawing out pain simply to do so, or trying to find ways to justify unneccessary pain. death - death is harm, but it is also part of the cycle of life. killing something is nature being red in tooth and claw. we need to kill individual living things to survive - this is not a failing, however, it is part of our nature. but we should be sure to do the least pain even to those we must kill.
rule #2 tells me both how to respect *myself*, and who among others should be respected. becoming the Perfect Reflection of myself means that i cannot ignore my wish to tell stories, even if they use other people's characters, and even if other people think it's wrong. it means that i must take care of my body, and my emotions, even if that means i have to take drugs to do it. it means that i cannot turn down the symphony of numbers, and the allure of languages, even if it means that i am taken to a place that others cannot follow, and am criticized for it. it means i cannot stop learning.
and this can be generalized, somewhat. we as beings given the sacred gift of Being by the Divine must all respect ourselves, by doing our best to accomplish our purpose. we must all take care of our bodies and minds. we must not stop learning, both of ourselves and of others. and we must follow our paths to our true selves as best we can.
logically, it follows that since we are all on the same general path to ourselves, we should respect others who we travel with. it does not matter that their end goal is different - that's the nature of individuality. what matters is that we respect their choices, and respect them. there are very few people, i think, who are capable of losing my respect as fellow travelers in life, even if i don't wish to associate with them. but you can do it by rejecting the gift of Being. by ceasing to learn. by ceasing to respect others and their opinions, even if it's the 100th time you've heard the same variation on the theme. by not taking care of your body and mind, so that you can accomplish your own path to your own self. most importantly, by turning aside from learning your own self, your own soul.
this is why i no longer read ginmar, why i no longer respect her. she has turned aside from the path to herself. she has ceased to listen, ceased to learn, ceased to respect. and in doing so, she has rejected her Divine Gift of Being. and i feel sad about that, because when i first learned of her, i saw the amazing talent she has to write and share ideas. that talent is still there, but it's turned to spreading poison and hate and misery. not only is she rejecting her own Sacred Gift, but she's trying to get others to join her own personal Mordor. and that makes me angry. that goes past rejection of the Gift, and straight to betrayal of the Divine. it's what makes me say that ginmar is no longer deserving of the her Gift, her Being.
-bs, thoughtful
*edited 10/26/2007 at 6pm because sometimes my pride in my friends gets ahead of my brain
