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proof of life
Nov. 18th, 2013 05:48 pmso if i ever needed solid proof that i have a view of the st louis area colored by my childhood baggage, it's my current field trip for work. i'm outside of Kansas City, KS, which in climate, culture, and ecology is really close to the St Louis area and surrounding counties. and as i look out my hotel window - it's colorful. dark colors, because i'm writing this at night-time, but *color*. purples, blues, reds and whites of car lights. today's daylight hours were bright and sunny and beautiful, with a bit of a nip in the air to signify fall.
when i go to st louis and madison county in Illinois - the place that's the closest i've got to 'home', a place i really can't say enough good things about - things look grayer, washed out somehow. i'm fairly convinced this is psychosomatic on my part - my childhood being so unpleasant that even the scenery takes on my baggage. which is not to say i've had the worst childhood ever, but the memories are not good. and it's weird how when you go 'home', where-ever home is, you become that child all over again. and despite the fact that i love my parents, my nieces and nephews, and even my brother, there's a reason i don't like going 'home'. 'home' wasn't fun. the lakehouse, where i'm also an adult (and feel like one! hah!), going to visit the grandparents, my own house, even though it be in the Deep Utterly-Smotheringly-Humid South, is fun. i'd much rather see my family in those places, than the depressing place of 'home'.
and i'm ok with that. it's a fact of my life that most people won't get, but it's a fact i can live with and work with, and that's pretty good.
until i do something like take the dungeons 'n' dragons 'what kind of character are you?' quiz, which has questions like '106. If you were injured and required immediate assistance, would members of your home town agree to help?'
uh... since i live 600 miles away from my 'home town', i wouldn't expect anybody to! it gets more complicated from there. i loved the test, but situations like trying to answer that question make me want to bang my head agaisnt the wall, heh.
next week, i'll be on vacation from work, and i intend write a few lj posts that i've had hanging over my head: a post on house progress, one on the trip to oregon to see grandpa, one for the truck, etc...
i'll be keeping up with lj, but may not be very talky this week.
-bs, the busy
when i go to st louis and madison county in Illinois - the place that's the closest i've got to 'home', a place i really can't say enough good things about - things look grayer, washed out somehow. i'm fairly convinced this is psychosomatic on my part - my childhood being so unpleasant that even the scenery takes on my baggage. which is not to say i've had the worst childhood ever, but the memories are not good. and it's weird how when you go 'home', where-ever home is, you become that child all over again. and despite the fact that i love my parents, my nieces and nephews, and even my brother, there's a reason i don't like going 'home'. 'home' wasn't fun. the lakehouse, where i'm also an adult (and feel like one! hah!), going to visit the grandparents, my own house, even though it be in the Deep Utterly-Smotheringly-Humid South, is fun. i'd much rather see my family in those places, than the depressing place of 'home'.
and i'm ok with that. it's a fact of my life that most people won't get, but it's a fact i can live with and work with, and that's pretty good.
until i do something like take the dungeons 'n' dragons 'what kind of character are you?' quiz, which has questions like '106. If you were injured and required immediate assistance, would members of your home town agree to help?'
uh... since i live 600 miles away from my 'home town', i wouldn't expect anybody to! it gets more complicated from there. i loved the test, but situations like trying to answer that question make me want to bang my head agaisnt the wall, heh.
next week, i'll be on vacation from work, and i intend write a few lj posts that i've had hanging over my head: a post on house progress, one on the trip to oregon to see grandpa, one for the truck, etc...
i'll be keeping up with lj, but may not be very talky this week.
-bs, the busy
