First of all, I really liked the prologue. It gave us enough of a background (crazy as it is) for Xan but it lets us focus on the Mag7 universe aspect while we file away the past prologue for future reference. I thought it was well done. (And after the first gift wish I started mentally cataloging which gift belonged to whom and then I realised WHY you chose the name Seventh Gift. And I laughed because I have an AU called Seventh Plague. Man, us Mag7 authors do enjoy our references to seven something.)
I've had various emo moments already. - Xan is revealed to be missing that eye and it twisted me up a little. Most authors refuse to go all the way to kids with such public disfigurements, preferring to stay in the safe hidey-holes of hidden/psychological scarring. You are braaaaave, which I applaud. - Vin's description of Chris because it made me LOL (I totally agree with Vin, fwiw) but also his solid belief in Chris being able to get them out of Hell alive. - Nathan's decision that he'd protect Xan from his parents, even if he had to tuck Xan under his arm and run away with him. Man, Nathan is headstrong and opinionated and secure in his beliefs and I recognise him completely. - When the spectre of Adam showed up and Vin expressed a little concern and Chris appreciated it, you managed to melt my hard black heart. Well played. (Sometimes it's the little things, yknow?) - And, of course, the speck of trust that Xan gives to Chris there at the end is nice. Willow would be so proud of herself.
Typos? - staring blankly at them for a long before glancing around. (Is there a word missing there?) - I’d guess his injuries are just in the latest in a long line of beatin’s. (Did you mean Just the latest in a long line of beatin's?) - More’n oncet, by the looks of it. (I think there's an extra T in there.)
And finally I have a question. Xan is de-aged, right? But he's kept all the scars and wounds he had before he died, yes? And yet he... regains the broken arm he had when he was eight? Wouldn't that be considered an old wound or did I misunderstand something there? So will he be regaining sudden repeated wounds as he ages? The whipping he had when he was nine, the knife wound he had when he was ten, etc.
Possible advice: Be careful not to cross the verbal anachronisms between Xan and the boys. I think you've done such a wonderful job here but it seems like something that might get problematic down the road unless, hee hee, the boys start adopting (hel-LO JD!) 20th century Xan-speak.
OK, chick, I have to admit I read next to nooooo WIPs because I hate them with a passion. I prefer not to read them and I won't post them (unless they're stand alone) because I've been burnt so badly in the past but also because I can be a godawful pest when it comes to nudging authors to pleaseGOD WRITE MOAR. And now that I've read this and enjoy it, you're so in trouble. :D
the neverending comment
I've had various emo moments already.
- Xan is revealed to be missing that eye and it twisted me up a little. Most authors refuse to go all the way to kids with such public disfigurements, preferring to stay in the safe hidey-holes of hidden/psychological scarring. You are braaaaave, which I applaud.
- Vin's description of Chris because it made me LOL (I totally agree with Vin, fwiw) but also his solid belief in Chris being able to get them out of Hell alive.
- Nathan's decision that he'd protect Xan from his parents, even if he had to tuck Xan under his arm and run away with him. Man, Nathan is headstrong and opinionated and secure in his beliefs and I recognise him completely.
- When the spectre of Adam showed up and Vin expressed a little concern and Chris appreciated it, you managed to melt my hard black heart. Well played. (Sometimes it's the little things, yknow?)
- And, of course, the speck of trust that Xan gives to Chris there at the end is nice. Willow would be so proud of herself.
Typos?
- staring blankly at them for a long before glancing around. (Is there a word missing there?)
- I’d guess his injuries are just in the latest in a long line of beatin’s. (Did you mean Just the latest in a long line of beatin's?)
- More’n oncet, by the looks of it. (I think there's an extra T in there.)
And finally I have a question. Xan is de-aged, right? But he's kept all the scars and wounds he had before he died, yes? And yet he... regains the broken arm he had when he was eight? Wouldn't that be considered an old wound or did I misunderstand something there? So will he be regaining sudden repeated wounds as he ages? The whipping he had when he was nine, the knife wound he had when he was ten, etc.
Possible advice: Be careful not to cross the verbal anachronisms between Xan and the boys. I think you've done such a wonderful job here but it seems like something that might get problematic down the road unless, hee hee, the boys start adopting (hel-LO JD!) 20th century Xan-speak.
OK, chick, I have to admit I read next to nooooo WIPs because I hate them with a passion. I prefer not to read them and I won't post them (unless they're stand alone) because I've been burnt so badly in the past but also because I can be a godawful pest when it comes to nudging authors to pleaseGOD WRITE MOAR. And now that I've read this and enjoy it, you're so in trouble. :D