This year, I hope things are better, both in general and for personal health/ house health/ etc.
( potion no. 9 especially )
( i'm gonna make this house my home )
( i will get things to grow, darnit! )
( and i'll have a pretty yard! )
SCA SKILL SETS
( i especially want to improve arch-ing )
( i'm really trying to finish old stuff before starting new stuff. really. )
( i promise this year will be better! )
( i expect to nail this one again... watch me fall on my face )
( tum-te-tum-tum - hey, donuts! )
( ah, the sweet sounds of saws! )
WISHING THESE WISHES WERE MINE
( alms for the poor? anyone? )
So, a final note here - especially with the fannish things and trying to keep up community journals and things, I think the home PC being set up will help a lot. I've already mentioned the advantages of the pilates up there. :)
-boogieshoes, busy as a beaver
-boogieshoes, kinda lawn-mower stinky right now....
so here we go:
*in Feb, at my routine dr's appointment, i was dx'd hypothyroid - the gland isn't making enough hormone. the good thing about this is that now i understand why i was so *completely and utterly* dragged out at the end of last year. also, now that i'm on synthroid, my body isn't fighting losing weight, and 4 mos later, my chemical soup seems to be just about completely in balance. the bad news is... i'm not going to be 'cured' from this - taking pills forever. don't get me wrong, there are FAR worse things in the world, but my health goal has always been to minimize the pills i'm on... this is one step away from that. It does make me very thankful for modern medicine, though.
*2 weeks after my dr's appt, Gulf Wars happened - it's a pretty amazing event when you're not too sick or too glazed over too appreciate it. Otoh, I forgot that last year, the things in my 'Accessories' box had gotten quite damp. I took a few things with me, but decided to clean the rest later... which happened only a couple-3 weeks ago. I lost a couple things to mold - just couldn't kill it, or in the case the belly dance scarf, the jingles were just too rusted to save - but I did save the majority of the items. Since I am trying to streamline my SCA closet, a number of things are going to wind up getting donated, but I'm not entirely sure when.
*more recently, i sewed slipcovers for the couch cushions. this is because in less that 2 years, my dog pretty much shredded the original fabric. Cotton duck is much more resistant to Great Dane claws that the original what-ever-it-is. I'm thinking of going back and sewing slipcovers for the back-cushions, too, so the entire couch is a bright cheerful yellow. it'll match the curtains that way.
*speaking of the great goofus - she gained 10lbs in the past few months. Oops... guess I was a little too enthusiastic about giving her treats. Abbie and I are both on a diet now.
*my diet consists of continuing good food choices, and counting calories and recording non-caffeinated intake. the last two are mostly to keep me honest. My progress this week supports my theory that I'm 95% there, but I needed one last puzzle piece to make it stick... apparently, that's keeping myself accountable.
Abbie's diet consists of limiting her to 1 or 2 treats a day.
*Abbie got a new blankie today - it's Wonder Woman. I thought about giving her Darth Vader to chew on, but then I decided I'd rather she ingested the power of a strong woman than the Dark Side of the Force. She won't miss the cookies. I promise. *hides cookies from Abbie.*
*today, i'm going to start organizing the personal papers in the office. This should cut down on even more clutter, though right now it's mostly clutter limited to the closet.
*I paid off my truck on Thursday! next up: the CC.
*I am 3/4 done of the dual embroidery piece: 'this is your flame... this is your flame on O2'. I will find a way to get and post pictures, because while I love Mary Corbett's needlework site, and the piece would not have happened without the blogs very encouraging tone, I'd like to show her what happens when you let a nerd work stumpwork, lol.
That's all from chez boogie *brushes off dog-hair* you may now go about your business...
Anyway, on to the listy!
( household maintenance is expensive! )
( *dusts off the house update list* )
( This is purely the section for the partierre garden. )
( $50/mo doesn't go far )
( the SCA is awesome! )
( look, i finished stuff! now i have to finish it, lol )
( still in mag7 honeymoon... and still biting off more than i can chew here... )
( i nailed this one! )
( I've always said flexibility is over-rated... )
( *runs away screaming* )
( *sighs sorrowfully at the wishlist* )
and that's all she wrote today. my wrists have been getting pretty sore lately, probably carpal tunnel or arthritis, so the 2017 To-Done is going to have to wait for another day. Probably tomorrow, since I don't want to lose momentum. In Feb, at my normal check-up, I'm going to ask doc about my wrists, though...
I survived 2016, which turned out to be a shitty year for a lot of people. My hope for us all is that 2017 is much better. We need much better in our lives. And I'm not talking politics, I'm talking good jobs, good friends surviving, and good family of choice loving us. So 2017, take my advice: take off your pants, and slide on the ice!
-boogieshoes, wishing everyone a happy new year
( Deck the halls of the house with folly... )
( Mary Mary quite contrary... )
( Yarding by the Garden.... )
( Middle Ages Mash-ups )
( Stitchy Woman... )
( I swear I will be fan-active! .... someday )
( bills bills bills )
1) Organize household items, including
a) disaster kit
2) Transfer data from old laptops to PC, when i get it.
3) Make the database for my library
4) File rest of bills from 2012 – and now, also 2013!... and now 2014...2015...
5) Convert VHS and audio tapes to updated platforms. (Contingent on buying platform converters)
6) Make a list of cyclical maintenance duties and times due.
9) pay good chunk of personal CC
( to my health! )
( Furniture Fair (-y Tale) )
( Wishlist )
i want to stop hurting now, kthanxsbai. :(
and happy for it! it's really hard to go a week without an internet fix!
now, i have to wait another week for my next paycheck, and i can fix the a/c. summer in the deep south, meh. but it's finally going to break 75F tonight - down to 71 - and it's supposed to cool off later into this week. finally! but i can't wait to have a/c anyway because the days will still be hot.
in other news, the office is coming along. i am working on the final placement of various boards and etc. looks like i'll have enough space to get everything onto a shelf, which is good. then i can go through and organize, trim, organize, donate, organize, catalog, etc.... should only take me until dec 2017 *snort*.
there was a storm that ripped through here mid-to-late morning friday morning, and i think it must have hit a local substation or something for the local internet company, because we've been without cable or internet since.
at any rate, i don't want anyone to worry. i'm fine. the house is fine. i'm just not sure when i'll be back online without the assistance of pancakes. :)
Have I ever told you guys that Micheal Biehn has a nice ass?
-bs, giggling inappropriately
This progress was helped by a real spiral of a depressive episode. It was so bad that on Friday, I was half-afraid to come home because I was afraid I'd hurt myself without a distraction from the images. I should explain, perhaps. I think in pictures. Often times, when my depression chooses to speak up, this means I get very strong visuals of cutting myself... or shooting myself. Since I want to live, this is scary as sh*t. But it's also hard to talk about, because I start getting sucked into the horrible feelings of helplessness and despair the imagery tends to engender.
I am, oddly, proud that I have been able to talk to myself into a better state. I had a lot of help from friends, on-line and off. So did sleep. So did doing a lot of work. Hence, office progress.
But I've said it before and I'll say it again. FUCK DEPRESSION. It's a lying liar that lies.
OTOH, I'm happy the office is doing well.
-boogieshoes, doing ok today
How does Wiki not have a page on this guy?!
RIP, Chief Beautiful Bald Eagle - may you inspire us all to do our best.
(and i wanted to say my mood was 'awed and inspired', but those options don't show up on the mood menu!)
so, for those not up on my diet drama - which, honestly, i don't talk about a lot, so you may not be familiar - my metabolic system is apparently similar to or exactly like people with metabolic syndrome. basically, what this means in the short version is that to lose weight, i have to keep my carbohydrate load down fairly severely during the day. i'm estimating 40 grams, but that by no means is exact, it's based on what i can eat that stops the weight loss, vs what doesn't stop the weight loss.
what that means in practical terms is anything that remotely looks like bread or incorporates wheat is right out. sadly, a lot of fruits and several vegetables are out, too. candy, chips, ice cream - all out. and of the things i can eat, some of them - like blueberries, and unprocessed lactose milk proteins - i can't eat because they set off my ibs/ i'm intolerant, etc.
so i'm fairly stuck with: lots of meat, most herbs, a decent selection of cheeses (most are cured enough for me to handle, i start having trouble at blue cheeses, bries, cottage cheese, etc), and eggs.
sounds great - i can have all the bacon i can eat, right? and ommelettes every day. and steak. and ribs and bbq - oops, gotta watch the sauce! honestly, what i have to stick with to lose weight is not so bad.
it's what i *can't* eat that gets to me. not because i can't eat it, but because everyone else is blissfully eating it.
1) we had donuts on tues at the office
2) donuts today at the office
3) roommate said he'd bought an apple pie, and i was welcome to eat some.
4) there's chips on the counter - roommate again
the last few weeks, it's been:
bagels and donuts at work every day
my lead offering blueberries
my roommate making a chocolate-chocolate bundt cake. with chocolate icing.
my roommate buying donuts to bring home
my roommate buying cookies
my roommate asking if i wanted fries with that (which is *really hard to resist, because FRIES*)
cupcakes at work.
we went out last week to Jason's Deli, which should, by rights, be a healthy establishment. If you can actually eat bread - i can't.
seriously, anyone who tells you this is easy to do is an ass. i *resent* the fact that i can't just casually add a plain bagel and cream cheese to my diet. and despite what people say, that's 1, thank you. and salads are a no-go because i can't stand basalmic and vinegrette dressings, and tomatoes = sugar dump.
so, incidentally, is chili with beans. that's right, chili. can't eat a lot of soups and stews - often made with tomato soup.
it's a nightmare, because, as i said, it's *everywhere*. one of the things local kids do for their organizations is sell krispy kreme donut boxes. on street corners. so you're driving around, and here's this huge stack of carb-o-licious boxes, and general peer pressure says you're mean if you don't buy at least 1.
i dare anyone who thinks dieting with a metabolic issue like this is just 'eat less, exercise more' to take a pencil and paper and write down *every time they see free carbs in the workplace*. that's just for starters.
it's not easy, it takes tremendous will-power, and i want to kick several well-meaning people in the 'nads for sabotaging my diet!
-boogie, done ranting
I can't say that it's going to be the only *political* post this year, because I have rants a-brewing, even though I never seem to have the energy to post them. Undoubtedly, there'll be some politics in there, because it can be hard to disentangle politics from some of these issues.
But this will be the only post I make regarding the over-media'd election this fall.
So it's that time again, where all the USians in the world struggle to figure out the best person to run the country, and wonder why we don't have decent candidates to vote for. For myself, I generally hate November every 4 years, as the big stresser to me is the fact that abortion rights and gun rights are both things that I hold very dear - and they're both things generally used as platforms... on the opposite side of the aisle from each other.
I am not alone in this, and I suspect a lot of people would agree with me that these two issues don't have to be the polarizing ones they've become, if only we could find a suitable candidate.
This year is even worse than normal. The two major candidates are Trump and Clinton. Trump would be a disaster. Clinton is a straight-up politician who lies as easily as breathing. (Note, I don't think Hillary is any different from other politicians, but all of them tend to make me want to upchuck. Violently.) I don't like either option, so I will, once again, be voting for Gary Johnson, who is indeed running as a third-party candidate.
Now, I realize my choice is not for everybody. But I do think that I share something in common with a lot more people than usual this year: the total frustration of our current two-party political system.
And it may seem that it's especially useless to vote this year, what with Trump and Hillary being the only ones typed on the ballot. But I think that if one of those two candidates wins the electoral college, but not the popular vote, then this year, things might come to a head, and a referendum or Constitutional Amendment may be able to be passed - one which will reform the voting system to more accurately reflect the people of the United States' wishes. I think right now we're dealing with a Political House of Lords in practice, with no commensurate House of Commons, even in theory. That irritates the snot out of me.
You might disagree with the potential here, but think about this:
If Trump won 15% of the popular vote, and Hilary won 17%, the current system would count Hilary the winner, even though it is evident that the majority of those who actually voted this year didn't want her in office. If the collective third-parties and independent runners had 78% of the total votes cast, I'd say the 'winner' would have a clear problem, because obviously 78% of people didn't want Hillary or Trump in office enough to vote for them. I think if people saw something like happen, it might be enough to chivvy our population into a campaign to reform how the electoral college works or even to do away with it entirely.
But to do this, you have to get out and vote. In fact, the more I hear people might actually stay home because 'the only candidates are Trump and Clinton', the more I urge everyone to go to the polls in November.
Again, my political choices may not be yours. But to ensure you know who's running, the government actually has a website listing all of the candidates that registered. There are joke candidates, so you may have to do some weeding out. But there's also a fair number of serious candidates who are running because *they* can't stand the two big political parties either.
But, if you go through the list of candidates on that website, and still can't find one to suit your tastes, remember that all you need to run for the President of the United States is:
1) To be born a citizen of this country
2) To be 35 years of age
3) To have lived 14 years (not necessarily consecutively) within the borders of the United States
It's an explicit, Constitutional right delegated to the people of the United States, and there are NO amendments detracting from these conditions.
This means I could, if I felt like it, write in Micheal Beihn. Or Richard Dean Anderson. And believe me, I've been tempted to do so from time to time.
Alas, I can't write in Chris Larabee...
"This what i don't believe: catch-phrase
"This is what I believe: concept
i figure this will happen as soon as the heat death of the universe occurs, at the rate i'm getting around to things....
right now, it's kinda like:
I don't believe: I'm ever going to get the time to spend on the internet typing up all the enlightenment i've discovered over the ages....
i do belive: i will find a *ton* more things to rant about!.... and forget to do so!
oh, well - hey, fanfic!
one of the defining characteristics of depression is a tendency to keep it inside... and it is true that sharing can really help.
( possibly triggering material here (but no cuss words) )
and that's why i love my medication, and don't ever want to go off it, and why this hit me so hard. i *love* to live. i *want* to live.
i'm going to stop now - the 'emotionally wobbly' bit of today is telling me i'm going to start crying if i keep dwelling on it, and as i said, i'm really feeling much better. and i'm going to try to keep the momentum going and gain a little height...
I always hear the worst. 'Let's simplify it' means 'It completely sucks and is useless'.
"It's a 3-day drive" means "you aren't worth my concern"
"We didn't even know you left site" means "Despite the fact that you were packing in plain sight, too sick to stand at one point, and drove off with your truck, you're not important enough for us to pay attention to. And you made us do extra work, so now we hate you."
"Buck up" means "you're just whining, you don't have any real troubles, so what are you complaining about?"
"You got yourself into this…" means "you're too worthless to help, even when you've asked."
"you know you shouldn't take the permanent way out" means "you deserve to suffer every bit that you do. You don’t suffer enough, and you’re so ungrateful about it."
Even with the dog
She turns her butt to me, and she's *saying* "you're my mother and I trust you", but I *hear* "there's more interesting stuff over here. You're not worth my time."
I’ve been so… dragged out and mentally exhausted lately. And I know a good part of what I’m feeling is the depression taking advantage of my lack of energy, because i've been physically sick for a month and am just now getting over it.
But it feels like every time I try to reach out for help, I’ve been getting slapped back, lately. It’s beginning to make me wonder why I reach out to other people at all.
And to be fair, I should probably be more explicit – I feel like I’m drowning here, and I need help, and all my support system lives in Timbuktoo! And also to be fair, I’ve got a lovely online friend who’s doing and saying exactly the right things right now, and it helps a lot….
But guess what I’m *hearing*? Because depression sucks.