Sep. 5th, 2016

boogieshoes: (fresian)
So I've made a remarkable amount of progress in my home office, which started out as a 4th bedroom, and is being turned into a library cum office cum craft room.   I was afraid for a while that I would have to have an overflow library.... but it looks like i'll be fine.  As long as I don't buy any more books, lol.

This progress was helped by a real spiral of a depressive episode.  It was so bad that on Friday, I was half-afraid to come home because I was afraid I'd hurt myself without a distraction from the images.  I should explain, perhaps.  I think in pictures.  Often times, when my depression chooses to speak up, this means I get very strong visuals of cutting myself... or shooting myself.  Since I want to live, this is scary as sh*t.  But it's also hard to talk about, because I start getting sucked into the horrible feelings of helplessness and despair the imagery tends to engender.

I am, oddly, proud that I have been able to talk to myself into a better state.  I had a lot of help from friends, on-line and off.  So did sleep. So did doing a lot of work.  Hence, office progress.

But I've said it before and I'll say it again.  FUCK DEPRESSION.  It's a lying liar that lies.

OTOH, I'm happy the office is doing well.

-boogieshoes, doing ok today

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